Every time I reach out
stretch my emotions
you turn away
when I curl up
you tease me out,
I hate this game
What's your prize?
My first poetry book, Unfollowing You, is now available at Amazon, B&N and other bookstores! Link in bio 🤗💖
Lovely art by @shaza.wajjokh
Sadness and depression are so different. Sadness you feel it for a little bit then goes away. Maybe a day or 2 if even then your back to being happy. Depression, is not wanting to talk to anymore, not wanting to get out of bed. Wanting to be in a dark room all day. Always having hidden scars, depressed people are the best lairs. Depression is like a heavy weight on your chest stopping you from breathing and causing you to have a negative mindset, thoughts of suicide that are always on your mind. ALWAYS listening to sad music even when their actually ok. People don’t understand depression they think they feel it or have it but the truly don’t get the trauma and shitty parts of depression. Also depression is always always gonna be with you, no matter what. That doesn’t mean you can’t live your life people can escape depression for a little bit and have fun cause over the summer I had it bad and now at least I can get out of bed. There’s so many stages to depression but there’s always a way out. #depressed#hurtinginside#hurting#pain#lonely#heartbroken#suffering#broken
A person can only take so much. But when that person hits that breaking point. They are the bad guy. Well in my case im taking that L because i dont want to Hate Anyone or be cold hearted. #PushedMeAway . #InMyFeelings . #heartbroken#lost #
No Superhero💔. A father who is suppose to be your hero. The one your suppose to be proud of. The one who your suppose to look up to shows you how unworthy you are everyday. It wouldn't matter dead or alive. He won't fight for you. He won't give you what he robbed from you 22 years ago. Every day that has passed he has not fought for you. He is okay with missing every breath you have taken.
Even at your age it hurts to see little girls loved by there father's. The way a father is suppose to love there daughters. You being his princess , putting you as priority in his heart, no other woman before you, is excited to be a part of your life, never willing to risk losing you.
But again shows you your not worth keeping you there. You fight back tears because you shed too many and you know he don't deserve the wasted tissue. You regret ever giving him a conversation. Never should of allowed a phone call. Never should of heard your voice. 😔🙈. #pain#hurt#resentment#fatherless#nolove#sadness#nosuperhero#follow4follow#likes4likes#time#parentless#why#whyme#needlove#newlife#nofamily#alone#lonely#lonewolf#heartbroken#broken#emo#tears
It’s hard to write posts about Siena because my heart is so heavy and I can’t believe I’ve cried so much. She had 100ccs of fluid removed from her pleural cavity and today was energetic and herself. (The first photo was from a week ago and the rest of the vids/photos are from today)
I took a vacation day so I could monitor her breathing and enjoy my time with her. She slept on me, followed me everywhere, made her biscuits and ate her treats. The vets didn’t give me much hope and said the fluid would return. I’m so heartbroken. I am going to spend as much time as I have with our special girl. I just want to spend the next few days giving her all the love she deserves. If/when we need to make a decision we will make it for her. We just hope she knows she is so loved and we’d fight as long as she wanted us to. I’ve said goodbye to my three kitties if 16 & 17 and cried but it seems harder when someone hasn’t had a chance to live their life. It’s not fair.
For those who want to learn more about her medical, read on.
Her labwork came came back - nasal biopsy tested positive for calicivirus, a upper respiratory virus and mycoplasma which is a bacteria so we switched her to doxycycline. Her pleural fluid tested positive for Coronavirus which is common in 95% of cats - 5% of cats infected for some reason or other genetically mutate it to FIP. Her FIP pcr came back as indeterminate (not enough particles for biotesting) to confirm FIP but given her bloodwork and symptoms, the vets believe she has it and it can be a day, a few days but not much longer. I’m trying to come to terms with this. I feel guilt, I feel anger, I feel sadness and complete disbelief that there is no cure for this heartless, horrible disease. The Bria Fund with the Winn Foundation dedicates funding to research of FIP and I hope to donate to them once I’ve climbed out of this. I’ve tried to research and educate myself as much as possible (I included a helpful chart) and have been held afloat by your support and good thoughts. Will share more when I know more. Thank you for all the love 🖤