If your are still gentle and kind after suffering the unimaginable, you are precious, the greatest example of strength and hope. A guide for others, a lighthouse that emits and radiates by transmutation the crashing of the waves against its structure.🌊
Her mind was a deep and cavernous vortex of emotion and love. She gave freely to others, without expectation. And in all of this she lost herself, her worth. She awoke from her slumber spanning decades. And then the game changed forever🌺
Short version- I went away for a couple of days to clear my head and honestly it was such an amazing getaway 😍
Long version (IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO MY FRIENDS)- I know I ran away from my problems, my head got too much for me and I honestly felt like life wasn’t worth living anymore and the world would be a better place without me (I went into a dark place). I know I worried some people by disappearing and not telling people where I was. I am so sorry for that but I needed time to sort myself out and reflect.
In that time I left, I had a lot to reflect on. This trip was both painful, relaxing and eye opening. Being alone and exploring can make a person really think.
I know I’m a very difficult person to deal with and I have my flaws. I constantly wonder how people stick around me (I still do). I have very toxic traits and I know I need to work on them.
I know I need to do better. If any of you still care for me, I promise you I will make sure I will do my best to progress. I can’t promise you I will change over night/completely or these flaws will disappear forever. It’s very hard to stop the flaws you’ve had when you’ve had them for a very long time. I am aware that I need to do better and I’ll always aim for that.
I’m aware some of my behaviour recently and over the years has been toxic- I’ve been super angry at the wrong people over the wrong things, I’ve been paranoid and automatically assume there’s no care (which is hurtful for others who love me). I’m tricky to deal with when drunk and numerous people have complained to me about that. I run away from so many situations and bail on people because I’m so scared of getting hurt and I want to abandon them before they can abandon me (that in itself is cowardly), I cut people dead and do it abruptly. I’m messed up tbh.
***SPOUSES HIGHLY ENCOURAGED TO ATTEND***
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It was hard to say 'goodbye'
For you, were the most crucial part
in my existence
How, you gave me, my maiden kiss
and how you safely handed your 'everything' to him.
Thank you, for being the spine to my body
God has taken you away from me,
But, He can never take those alluring memories away.
Damn, it was the hardest to say 'goodbye'
It is so easy to discard a q-tip, an item which we can always grab another of, and not to give a second thought.
How has it become so easy to feel insignificant as part of a greater whole? What happened to strength in numbers?
If you take a moment to imagine the feeling of ONE q-tip use, the feeling of cleanliness or the perfect application of some medicine or makeup, it is just the perfect tool for whatever job you employ- now that single piece of cotton has regained it's value against the whole box.
In the same way we need to take special moments throughout each day to recognize our own positive feelings, good vibes, successes, and usefulness to validate all that we are.
We all fall for that social media illusion where only our lives encounter struggle and need to fight for meaningfulness, as we scroll and scroll and scroll through the highlight reels of others. Taking the time to intentionally evaluate and praise oneself, to act in love to oneself, is essential to finding value from others, because we cannot accept the valuation of another if we do not believe it first.
Some people are capable of this independently, some rely on support systems of friends and family, others focus on their professional achievements or physical strengths, but often it helps to look outside of our own relationship system to get an un-tinted perspective of ourselves. This is where therapy can be its most powerful.
Diese Unwisseneit ist schlimmer als es zu wissen. Es ist wie als ob man zum Art geht und man auf seine Diagnose wartet. Man weiß, dass etwas nicht stimmt und man krank ist, doch, wie schlimm das ganze ist und ob man es bekämpfen kann, weiß man nicht.
Das macht einen fertig und raubt einen die Kraft. Man macht sich wegen jeder Kleinigkeit verrückt und man will endlich rausfinden, was genau man da gerade fühlt, doch man findet keine Antworten darauf.
Irgendwie schränkt es einen auch ein. Man weiß nicht, was man für bestimmte Personen empfindet oder warum man etwas so macht.
Unwissenheit kann den Tag zerstören oder auch nur verschlechtern. Zum Selbstbewusstsein trägt es auch nicht gerade bei, denn es zeigt erneut, dass man die Kontrolle verloren hat und wer findet das bitte gut?! Kontrollverlust ist meine größte Angst... Die Kontrolle über meine Emotionen, Gedanken und Handlungen zu verlieren, ist wie die Freiheit zu verlieren und davor habe ich Angst.... #knownothing#feelnothing#feel#nothing#know#dontknowhowfeel#feelings#confused#confusion#life#quotes#quotesaboutlife#emotional#emotions#emotionalquote#feelings#wannalive#fight#alive#lifeishard#lifesucks#fighter#fightforlife
Melancholy Monday. *Headphones on* This little diddy from @segritz got me feelin some kinda way, like Cinematic Orchestra. Go check out his original post and his really cool prog rock piano covers too!
[Current #mood ] So incredibly super freakin HAPPY !!! 🤗 why??? // I had to pass my degree in Latin #latinum which is required to study #french // so today I had my oral exam for that after having already written the written part last week // we only got both results in the very end of the today‘s oral exam - so I didn’t know until the very end if I would pass; but I did, which now feels so indescribably amazing. I got my life back and even some #vacation until mid April 🙏🏻🥳