| 彰化 · 竹塘木棉花道 |
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I was never good at expressing my feelings. But it’s something I want to work on and maybe this can be an outlet for me to practice. I recently started reading this book called “Love for Imperfect Things” and the first chapter already had me nodding my head to what the author talked about.
Growing up I was always praised for being “good” by my teachers, my parents, mom’s friends, and family members. I tried not to talk back, did as I was told, and respected my elders. Even if I didn’t agree, I learned to keep it in and not complain. This carried over to adulthood. I’m a people pleaser. I often care more about the needs of others over my own. It’s not my nature to do or say something that can potentially hurt someone or make someone feel uncomfortable.
To say that someone is “good”, the author means that the person complies with the will of others and isn’t self-assertive. I was indifferent to my own feelings, minimized them or considered them unimportant. I thought that as long as I made everyone around me happy, I was happy. Going through a traumatic friendship break-up in middle school solidified that belief in me. But now as an adult, I have a difficult time distinguishing what I actually want to do or knowing who I am as a person because I’ve neglected my own desires and needs for so long. And when I encounter situations where people treat me unfairly or make things difficult for me, I don’t know how to properly express how I feel. In doing so, I end up being angry at myself.
I’m still learning to speak up even if it may make the other person uncomfortable or cause them to dislike me. I’ve come a long way but I still got a ways to go. I know that eventually I’ll get there.
“We consider it good to be good to others, but don’t forget that you have a responsibility to be good to yourself first.”